Money back guarantee

You want to lose pounds of excess weight?

Here's the absolute guaranteed sure-fire way:
Eat less, move more.
(Dine less, exercise more.)
There you have it - what more could you ask for?
You need a "personal weight-loss trainer" to tell you that?

You want to lose pounds of excess stupidity?
Here's the absolute guaranteed sure-fire way:
Sleep less, observe more.
(Gossip less, think more.)
There you have it - what more could you ask for?
You need a "personal enlightenment trainer" to tell you that?

You want to know why these two money-back guarantees fail to impress 99% of the population, besides the OBVIOUS fact they are too damn simple (and in the minds of the ordinary 99% - simple means simplistic)? Because the unimpressable 99% of the population - too fat and too stupid for their own good (according to themselves) - think there MUST be a secret out there, a pill, a trick, a device, a method, a guru, and that if they can only FIND it (using their too fat and too stupid intelligence, of course), then they will have "cracked the case."

"Cracking the case" - finding the secret of success - is MORE important to the ordinary 99% than actually losing the fat and losing the stupidity, in fact it's a satisfyingly satisfactory substitute for >>doing the work<<.